Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
