i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
