Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
