She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
