John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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