covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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