you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
