I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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