So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
