dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We are all done wearing pants today
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
