you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
