Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
