I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
