Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
