I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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