dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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