I will die if light touches me.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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