I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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