he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
