Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
