you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Life is so much better after having sex.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
