I just saw a hot homeless man
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
