I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
