What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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