My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
