you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
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We're using joints as your birthday candles
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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