I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
