I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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