Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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