is your mom at the bar?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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