The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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