Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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