After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
