I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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