Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
