Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
