Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
