Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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