ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My ass is underappreciated
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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