Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
