I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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