fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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