I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
