I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
