is your mom at the bar?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
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