i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
