just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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