He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Come share oat with me in your robe
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
