In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
