i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
