Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
