everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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