guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
