All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dick very happy bro
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
