If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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