well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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