i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
