just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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