I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
All I want is dick and wine.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
