Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
