apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
