apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
