He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
