You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
