Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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