I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
