It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
