Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I currently don't understand fingers.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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