just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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