She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
