why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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