somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
