got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
