whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize