We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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