My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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