1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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