A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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