i wish there were pregnant emoticons
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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