Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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