"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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