So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
